Lonliness kills. It's as powerful as smoking or alcoholism — Robert Waldinger, psychiatrist, Massachusetts General Hospital
An 80 year old Harvard study proves that embracing community and building healthy relationships with loved ones or even going the extra mile in saying 'hello' or 'how are you doing' to a fellow stranger helps us live longer and be happier.
Scientists wanted to identify what exactly leads to a healthy, happy life. In doing so, they tracked the health of 268 Harvard sophomores in 1938 during the Great Depression as part of the Harvard Study of Adult Development. They revealed clues that surprised them!
Of the orignal Harvard cohort, only 19 are still alive, all in their mid-90s, including the former President John F. Kennedy and longtime Washington Post editor ben Bradlee. (Women weren't included in this study as the college was still all male)
However, scientists did eventually expand their research to include the men's offspring. With a total of 1,300 in their 50s and 60s, they found out that early life experiences does in fact impact their health and aging outcome in the long run: some went on to beocme 'successful businessmen, doctors, lawyers, and others ended up as scihizophrenics or alcoholics, but not on inevitable tracks'
In terms of the control group, thry have expanded as well over the intervening decades. In the 1970s, 456 Boston inner-city residents were enrolled in the Glueck Study, and 40 of them are sttill alive. More then a decade ago, researchers began to include wives in the Grant and Glueck studies as well.
Over the years, whilst studying the partcipants' health trajectoris as well as their broader lives, including the 'ups and downs' in thier careers and marriages, the findings have produced startling lessons!
The surprising part is that it is in fact our relationships ALONE and how happy we are in those relationships that have a powerful influence on our health. Not how much we exercise, eat right, or sleep suficient hours!
Those deep bonds and meaningful connections is what protect people and gives them a sense of hope that they can overcome life's discontents, help to delay mental and phsycial decline, and can help regulate the stress hormone cortisol. After listening to Mel Robbins Podcast, Waldinger mentions something extremly insightful: Whenever we've had a bad day at work, told off our kids about something, or had a “duygusal patlama”, (emotional outburst) as we say in Turkish, addressing our underlying discomfort, stress, anger, and resentment to the most trusted people around us helps us to recenter that sense of disregulation
"Supported by the analysis of vast numbers of medical records, countless in-person interviews and questionnaires, researchers found that people's level of satisfaction with their relationships at age 50 was a better predictor of their physical health than their cholesterol levels were"
“Good relationships don’t just protect our bodies; they protect our brains,” said Waldinger in his TED talk. “And those good relationships, they don’t have to be smooth all the time." In Mel Robbins podcast, Waldinger mentions that even the little nudges and nagging that happens, often times than not, whether its spending time goig for a walk after dinner or making that phone call you've been avoiding in a while shows that you truly care about the other person and value your relationship.
Now what about those interactions with stragners that have an unexpected sense of comfort and peace that come with it? Well, Waldinger suggest that we must at least make the effort to talk to new people, even if it doesn't go as expected half of the time.
So what can you do?
So make sure you're spending the majority of your life away from the screen doing activites that you love! Whether that’s, (YES! videogames put us in a state of flow and with frineds, it helps us to connect with others and activate our minds) pickleball, gardening etc.
Start small talk! You'll feel a burst of energy, a sense of enlightenment , and PRESENCE!
If making small talk scares you, trying complimenting someone at a place you go regularly! Whether it's their nails, how good the coffee looks, their outfit, hair… and then ask for their name and make the conciense effor to remember it everytime you step into that regular place!
Scehdule it in! Whether it 's once a month, evey friday or every year, make the effort to stay in touch with your friends, no matter where they are in the world
Romantic relationship aren't the only type of 'intimate' relationships. It's as simple as noticing the nuanced changes in your friends behaviour, attitude, style after a long time that shows that you see and think about them!
Credit: Mel Robbins + Robert Waldinger
Comments